i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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