my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
