I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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