I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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