I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
