it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
