True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
