Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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