I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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