I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
