At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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