So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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