The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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