The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
