I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
