i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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