Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
