I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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