why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
