My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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