Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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