You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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