I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
