I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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