I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
