Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
