You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
