I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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