I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
