okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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