If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
