Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
