literally had 100 drinks last night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
