Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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