My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
