then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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