there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
