Nicole vs. Life
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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