so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
