You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
