I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
