Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
