im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
