i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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