i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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