He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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