i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
