she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
