I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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