and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
