Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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