It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
