i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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