last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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