I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
