fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
