god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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