Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize