that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
