I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
