I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
