He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
