If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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