I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
