Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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