I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
