do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
