Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
