someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
