Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
