You're completely useless in the revolution.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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