if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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