nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
